sad.

there has to be another way. there has to be a way to get back to God and stop destroying each other in the process. we need to find it. i have seen countless people turn away from God and His promise of eternity - but i think what they are really turning from is the church. why wouldn't you turn and run from the church? no one is perfect and i understand that. however, that cannot be our excuse. why is it so easy to judge? and why is it so hard to love? i mean really love. not this put-on-a-sunday-face-and-shake-my-hand kinda love... i mean real love. the kind that would be willing to really sacrifice. we have this misconception about what love should look like and then we are all let down by it. real love requires sacrifice. it requires putting someone else before yourself... no matter who that someone is or what they believe. it requires caring and kindness, selflessness and compassion, acceptance and humility. it requires a lot and that is exactly what God gave us... a lot. why do we follow historical tradition over God's commands? he said to love your neighbor as yourself. period. he didn't say love your straight neighbor, or your american neighbor, or your rich neighbor, or your beautiful neighbor, or whoever we have stereotyped into the "neighbor" role. he said to love your neighbor. no qualifications, no exceptions. why is this so hard?
i want to seek God in a way that defies normal. i want to find him in the places we overlook. i want authenticity and i'm tired of trying to fit into someone's mold of what a good christian should be. i don't even want to be called that really. i don't want to be classified anymore. it makes my stomach turn actually. i love jesus. that's it. plain and simple. i want to know him in a way that i've never known anyone else. i want to be near him all the time. this is not a love that is passive or structured. in fact, it couldn't be more aggressive and yet free.
how do i get there? how do i break free from the things that hold me down... the very system of religion that has made me who i am is driving me to madness.
something has to change. soon.

greed

As I sit here and type this (at one of our 152 Starbucks in the Valley), there is a group of 4 men sitting next to me. Obviously professional and well-spoken. They are Christians. They are discussing things like the Great Commission and going out to other countries and sharing the Good News. While this is noble, I am stuck on something that one of them just said. He was sharing about his friend who decided to give away 50 cents on every dollar his company earned this past fiscal year. That's awesome! And again, noble. But he then shared the numbers. This man's company earned 8.2 million this past year. How cool that he was then able to give away 4.1 million! But I'm not OK with that. Why does it bother me so much? I guess my instant response is what in the world does this man NEED with the other 4.1 million he is keeping for himself?? Why do we feel so justified when we give away "a lot" of money but we keep so much for ourselves? God asked for a tenth. So any time we can give more that's awesome. While I am not trying to judge this man whom I have never even laid eyes on... I am finding it increasingly more difficult for me to live in a society so overrun with greed and capitalism. I am instantly reminded of the widow who gave her offering and it was "all that she had". Why can't we do this? And I don't just mean financially. We are so inclined to hold back what we have. Gifts, talents, abilities, finances, time... fill in the blank here. It's as if we have a "MINE" mentality that we can't overcome. We work so hard at creating for ourselves the American Dream and forget that that is definitely not what God intended for us. In fact, I think it is the very thing that is destroying us. Now, please don't see me as un-American here. I just don't see why we as a nation feel so justified in our pursuit of happy-ness.

Is there another way? Is it possible to redistribute the wealth so-to-speak? Well, it is biblical. That's what was done back in the day. I mean what if we all took only what we needed. Like manna from heaven. What if we only took enough to survive and stopped the madness of gluttony and greed. I know this sounds extreme - but is it really? As I sit here and think about the 27,000 children who will die of malnutrition TODAY in this world I am provoked to believe that it is possible. God did not make a mistake. He didn't forget to provide enough for those children. We have just hoarded it in certain areas of the world out of their reach. Can we find a way to even the playing field? Even the score? It's not a game... but it sure seems like one.

Please understand that if it seems like I am "pointing the finger"... I realize that there are four more pointing back at me! What changes do I need to make? What can I do to make a difference. How am I contributing to the problem and what can I do to help solve it? These are all questions that I am asking myself. Will you ask them too?

Division

Division is so evident in our world. This is not suprising really. But for some reason I am crazy perplexed about the division in the church. It seems to become more and more of a reality to me every day. Never has it been more apparent than now. With the presidential election only 2 weeks away - it seems everyone has an opinion - and it's usually a pretty strong one. I don't like division and I certainly don't want to become part of the problem. But how do I avoid this? I have opinions too. And, of course, they are strong ones! There has to be a way to put our differences aside and focus on what matters. Jesus. Love. People. (Or does there?) Why is it so easy to lose sight of what's important? Why do we (specifically Americans) get so caught up in capitalism and finger pointing and forget that there are human beings on the other side of our choices? Why do we spend so much time, money and energy lobbying against what we don't like - or dare I say hate - and so little time loving? I need to find an answer to this.